Pompous vegan-mediterranean-ish-nacho porridge

1 pkg of the Soy Tempeh
2 tbs of minced garlic
2 tbs of vinegar
Olive Oil
Tomato and Garlic Marinade packet (or however you want the "meat" to taste.
1 bag of tortilla chips ( i used the blue kind )
1 bag of shredded vegi-cheese (mozzarella kind)
vegan feta
Garlic Salt
lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, artichoke hearts


First take a pan and lace the pan with the olive oil. I poured a little more than i usually do in this one, being that i like my tempeh really crispy. After the oil is good and hot, crumble the tempeh up into small pieces and drop it in. Dash about 1/3 of the packet of seasoning onto the tempeh, and add your garlic as well. I also add the garlic salt too, but you can use just regular salt, im just a garlic whore. Then stir in your vinegar. After the tempeh starts browning on the bottom, flip it and stir it around till it all gets brown.

While the tempehs browning start the oven on broil and get your chips and stuff ready. Take a baking pan, put some foil down, and empty the chips onto the pan.
Put as much cheese on it as youd like. When your tempeh's about ready,
put the chips and cheese into the oven, it only takes a few minutes for the cheese to start melting. Take the chips out of the oven, put the tempeh over the melted cheese.

Next just dress it up with the lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, artichoke hearts, and vegan feta. I also thought about drizzling some vinaigrette lightly over the top. Check it out, turned out awesome!

Parody Pumpernickle Porridge

I love parody movies. Watching parody movies have always been an event to look forward to. They were clever, and satisfying. Maybe i was not much of a challenge to make laugh in my young youth, but even today some of the ones i watched growing up are still fucking funny. I know there's older classics, and i dont care to get into all of them. Movies like "Airplane", and "the naked gun", and my favorite "top secret!", all share a common gene. They're funny. There is an art that has been lost in making these movies. Somewhere in between "mafia!" and "scary movie 3", someone lost the parody movie formula. They had it, and it worked, for the last 50 years. Someone had to have walked in, taken the formula, and drank it. I do have a more logical theory. Its not an absolute truth, but it makes a lot of sense.

I blame : Y2K

Somewhere in the year 2000, the movie "scary movie" was released. There were a shit ton of teenage hacker movies that were being dumped out of the same asshole, for the same assholes, for some time. i get it. Although this movie was funny, it started something. The formula was lost, being the only thing affected by Y2K, the Wayans brothers re-wrote it the best they could. And it worked alright. BUT, other assholes from around the world took notice, and thought, "hey! those dudes did it without the formula, so can us! come'on phil get my dell laptop!" Scary movie two was funny, and scary movie three was like the last squeezed out fart from the makers. I believe they started advertising the scary movie trailers as "from 2 of the writers from scary movie!" or, "from some guys who thought we can do it cause we saw scary movie..". Now there is 4 scary movies, and a fifth one due out in 2008. The formula they're using is unbelievable. I was able to snatch one of the templates from a book : "parody movies for dummies", i found in the blackmarket, in the highlands....



This book of course was put out and distributed by the creators of "date movie", and "epic movie", and whatever other shitty movies. No ones doing anything about it. I dont understand, these were awesome movies that have worked for ever, why is this happening? Its been 10+ years since weve had a solid parody movie to watch. After some sleepless googling, i came across some of the diarrhea we can all look forward to splashing us in the face and ears from the tv, and myspace.

1. Meet the spartans
Meet the Spartans



2. The comebacks
(I havent seen this movie, but please take note of the amount of he-just-got-hit-hee-hee jokes just in the trailer alone)


there's also one thats listed as in the works called "fantasy movie" or some shit. Surely, judging by the title, it will have the same stink weve grown to know over these movies.
If a film maker is reading this, Please hear me weap. If you're part of the problem, stop. please. if you have the means of helping the problem. help. please.